Bring on 2013!

I cant believe 2012 is over. I remember last year at this time I could not stop wondering if 2012 would be our year or not. There were so many what ifs. I also began my last semester of college. I cant believe its already been a year since I had that semester from hell. Whoever said you'll get pregnant when you stop stressing was on crack. I got pregnant the most stressful month of my schooling. I had two 25 page papers, one 10 page paper due, and was taking statistics from the evil professor who expected perfection and didnt even flinch when he left me in tears in his office. On top of that I got shoulder surgery. So screw that crap.

I found out that I missed the deadline to apply for grad school to get my LCSW. So I cant apply til NEXT november and then start the following september. BUT then my brother and SIL pointed out that I'll never get this time back with my girls so why not take full advantage of that and just embrace every moment with them. True dat.

It's such a relief that my uterus and I dont have to talk at all this year. We can part our seperate ways and she can shut up and not give me any trouble.

Right now my life isn't very glamorous. I can count the number of times I've gotten out of my pjs since November on one hand. Most days I don't even bother putting a shirt on. Sleep is precious and far in between. I'm lucky if I get a shower. Most meals I have to wolf it down as fast as I can because thing 1 or thing 2 wants something. I feel like a cave man everytime I go outside. You know to check the mail. The highlight of my day.

Oh and to top it off I had searing hot red lumpy boob aka plugged ducts. It was fun. Nothing like dipping your swollen boob in a hot bath to fill a sunday afternoon.

BUT I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'd much rather have all these little nuisances than worrying if this was my month or whether my body was going to evacuate my baby out of the building. And I guess having control over both sides of my face is just a plus.

And from experience I know there is an end to the sleepless nights. But man at the time you cant help but roll your eyes and ask why oh why when you see those wide eyes staring straight back at you in the dark at 3am. And since Haven has come home, Jayda, who normally sleeps like a rock decided that she wants to join the party and has been getting up multiple times a night.

This is the recovery after one hellish night.

Well I knew exactly why she was waking up. It wasnt because she needed water, or to pee, or to just say "I love you daddy", it was because she is transitioning and anxious since she isnt getting a lot of attention during the day, understandably.

In my last couple of semesters I became really interested in children's trauma and anxiety. And one of the big signs that there is anxiety in their life is by their sleeping patterns. So instead of focusing on threatening her things during the night (that doesnt work) I just had to really make an effort in doing things with her during the day, even if I wanted to gouge my eyes out instead because I'm running on empty. And sure enough, she sleeps through the night again since I've been making more of an effort.

The other day I woke up with her instead of Chase because I wanted to let him sleep in since he was just so exhausted. It freaked her out and she cried the entire morning and day. It was frustrating but really it just broke my heart because I knew why. I really havent given her enough attention because Haven eats a million times a day, I have to pump a million times a day, and Haven is awake a lot more so its difficult to play with Jayda.

So I've been making an effort to do more things with Jayda and keeping her busy with things. I even got in the bath with her (she always asks to take a bath with me)and played with her princess figurines. She hates hot water so I sat in a butt cold bath naked playing with her. She had a blast and I just put on a brave face and was so happy when Haven started crying and I "had" to get out.

Today we went on a much needed mommy daughter date. We got our nails painted and went to lunch at the pizza factory. She had a blast!

This year we have so many things we want to do with the girls. In April we're going to disneyland. Jayda talks about it everyday. Now that we cant threaten her with the naughty list we told her that she needs to eat a lot so she can grow tall enough to ride the rides at disneyland. That pumped her up to eat 3 breadsticks and half a piece of pizza for dinner. We're such mean parents.

This summer were going to Lake Powell with both girls. So excited I can actually tube and knee board this year instead of being pregnant!

Hopefully in the next month Chase can meet his quota for Farmers and we can get on salary so he can quit his other job. He has to have 40 pieces of insurance and 4 pieces of life to get on salary. He's at 28 and 1 so he's super close. And awesome considering the holidays are the hardest time to sell anything. He's almost there but the deadline is the 18th of this month otherwise 10 of his items gets knocked off. Its going to be such a relief financially and time wise when he does though.

Yesterday we decided to venture out of the cave and go on a lunch date to Red Robin. We all needed it. The lady behind us had the sweetest looking hat. Of course Jayda was curious and stuck her face right by her face. Embarassing.

And I just love this little babes! After her immunizations shes acted so funky. She didnt sleep or eat well for awhile. Yesterday she started eating like she normally does. I took her to the LC this morning because she had been a little bugger and decided she only likes the left boob. She just would not latch on the left because she knows it has a slower flow. But of course right when I called the LC she started latching like a pro. And she still gained a ton even with the nursing strike. On saturday when she got her synagist she weighed 8lbs 2oz. Today she was 8lbs 9oz. Little chunk! So looks like her immunizations just screwed her up!

And the coolest part is that she said that we should just let Haven sleep at night. The neo at the NICU said we had to wake her every 3hrs but she just wants to sleep and has been gaining great so why not let her sleep? And the LC said I should just treat her like a regular baby because thats how she is acting. Shes been going 5hrs the last couple of days and its SO nice! Then instead of being wide awake after feeding her she'll gulp it down and sleep for another few hours! Hopefully it stays that way...it probably wont.