Monday, April 15, 2013

One year ago

A year ago today I found out I was pregnant with this little thing after a lot of heartache and tears
(read about that here). I never wrote how it happened because I was trying to be sensitive to my friends that were/are going through infertility and I didnt want to "rub it in". I find myself a year later grateful and I realized I never wrote a post about it and want to remember all the details.

I had gone to my appointment six days earlier to put a plan in place for my first IUI. (that post here) I was pretty down on my luck. I had just had shoulder surgery because of an injury from of all things... church freaking basketball. BUT WE WON THAT GAME! CRUSHED THEM, REALLY...so thats all that matters. But who would've thought that during that very appointment that I was given a 3-5% of conceiving naturally, Haven was making her way down my fallopian tube to my uterus to find a nice place to snuggle.

So it was a sunday late in the afternoon and I was just waiting. I had cramps but just thought that meant she was on her way. When she never showed I didnt even think I was pregnant. I thought....ughhh I KNOW I ovulated...but maybe not? Especially since I hadnt been on any fertility drugs like the billionth other months I tried (ok 8...) so there was a chance that I didnt. BUT I remember feeling like my ovary was about to burst right around when I ovulated and thats a very clear sign that I do so I was pretty sure.

I was actually super frustrated because I just wanted her to come so that I could call the nurse and set up my ultrasound for the iui. I just wanted to get the ball rolling already. Finally Chase just told me to test because what could it hurt? What could it NOT have hurt?!

I kept putting it off and off until I caved. I peed on the stick, stuck it up to the light and saw nadda. What I thought. A couple minutes I went back in to check it again and to just throw it away. HOLY SHIZBOTS I could not believe my eyes when I saw two dark lines! I immediately ran to Chase on the couch and just started freaking out, "It's positive! It's positive! Holy crap, I'm freaking pregnant!" He was so happy and after we gave eachother a kiss and a hug I couldnt contain myself. I ran out the door and down the street just grabbing my hair and saying, "HOLY SHIZ!!!" I ran into a couple neighbor friends (Megan and Kenley...who was prego herself) and was crying and hugging them. I just wanted to tell anyone and everyone...even though I probably shouldnt have since I was only about 4ish weeks (later came to find out I was actually due on thursday not sunday).

I just remember crying out of shear joy the entire day. I couldnt eat or sleep because I was so pumped. In the back of my mind I knew I was no way out of the clear but I was PREGNANT which was half the battle and as sick as it sounds even if it hadnt worked out (i would have been devestated dont get me wrong) I still wouldve known that my body could still do it.

We decided to go over to Chase's parents house and tell them in a special way. We put the test in a diaper in a box and told them to open it. They were not expecting it at all because they knew we were planning on doing the iui and I had just had my appt. So it was pretty shocking to them! <

This was taken at my sister in laws wedding the day before I found out. I was so oblivious...and skinny then!

I'm so grateful for this little baby! As Jayda always says, "Haven is the perfect baby for me." She really is. Jayda is very on the go and always having to do something. She has always been that way. I remember even as a 2lb baby she pushed her way to the top of her incubator. Haven is the total opposite. She is so happy and lazy. She still hasn't rolled over. You can usually just find her smiling, eating, pooping, sleeping, or just eating her hand. She is so content to just sit in her little chair and watch the world around her. Jayda is such a good big sister and LOVES holding her but she is probably the hardest out of both of them because she never slows down. Its so awesome to see two total different personalities but still love them all the same! I'm so grateful for my life and the blessings I have. I'm definetly not the perfect parent and I have my moments of frustration but I dont ever want to imagine what life would be like without these little people.

We just got back from a week long vacation to Disneyland. I have some stories to tell for sure. Some of which include pulling over to hold Jayda in a seating position as she pissed all over a major highway in her cinderella princess costume. More to come later when I have a little more time, but it was definetely an experience traveling with two kids which wont be happening again for a very long time.

Chase suprised me with an hour long massage on Wednesday and I'm so looking forward to it since I need some sort of a vacation from a vacation if you will. Yes please!

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