My life with Justin Bieber

Being a mommy is exhausting. I love it of course but I forgot how exhausting having a little baby during RSV season can be so constricting. I'm starting to get out more but I'm still terrified my little baby is going to get sick so I dont take her out much.

Last night during the hour span I had of sleeping between the next waking I had a dream that I was making out with Justin Bieber. He was really into it. Of course. But I think I kind of blew it. I kept interrupting asking him if he had seen Les Miserables and if he cried. I can't believe the only dream I've had in weeks was making out with a hairless multimillionaire little boy. Kinda gross.

So another reason I've been exhausted is because my poor hubs has been working his butt off with his two jobs. So essentially he's been leaving at 9-10am and not coming home til 10:30-11pm every day. Some days I feel like a single mom. Props to single moms. And super mad props if they can even brush their hair. Some days I can't even poop, shower, and eat until Chase gets home from work.

Ok now I'm being dramatic. Its really not that bad most days.

Good news is I'm one essential oil away from being the biggest hippy I thought I'd ever be. First starting with the all natural vbac, then with the breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and now I've taken up baby wearing. Its really the only way I can get things done most days and she absolutely loves it. Shes so squished in there she instantly falls asleep. Harvy Karp is really onto something with this 4th trimester crap.

The problem is I've been having some back issues which is really ticking me off. It feels like I have a charlie horse in my neck at random times throughout the day. The pain is so debilitating I can barely walk without exrutiating pain. But if I ice it and lay down for even a few minutes most times it resolves on its own. Kind of ironic that now I have my baby its so painful just to hold her.

More good news is Chase made salary at Farmers!! So that means soon we wont be poor anymore! He's still going to work at Red Robin a couple nights a week just to keep extra cash coming in for the fun of it errrr to save it to get into a house...one day!

I feel like at last things are finally starting to look up. Chase is in a more stable job with a more stable income. I finally have my little baby and Jayda has a sibling. I'm finally graduated--now we need Chase to jump on it. I just feel more like a complete family and I could not be more grateful.

Yesterday was Haven's blessing. She was not digging the huge dress, but she looked adorbes in it (I have been watching Guilianna and Bill waayyyy too much). We had a fun time getting together with family and friends after too. Pam and Kenny came all the way from vegas so that was awesome. My grandparents and Aunt Becky came from Logandale.

We're also hoping to move in the next month or so to a bigger place. We found some town homes that are right by my best friend who just had a baby as well and its next to the river so Jayda can go play in the summer. Its also the same price we'd be paying over where we are at but the place we are looking at has a 2 car garage and a little back yard. Plus its an actual town home and not an apartment. We're hoping that works out!

I went running for the first time the other day and it was quite hilarious. I felt like such a wimp dying at 3 miles when that used to be an easy day. I'll get back...slowly. I miss running so much though. I also want to get rid of the baby weight.

The other day I stepped out of the shower and Jayda asked me what the squiggly squaggly lines on my tummy were from. I told her I survived a bear attack. Bad news shes now afraid of bears. Good news she's not afraid of having kids. Maybe I'll hang that in my holster until shes a teenager.

After 2 days of excercising and watching what I ate I lost 5lbs but the problem is my milk supply tanked. So I need to find a balance which is hard to do when I'm running on not a lot of sleep. I'll figure it out but from experience after I had Jayda I learned that I can kill myself in the gym and have an on point diet but if I'm not getting sleep then I dont shed a pound.

So for the most part were one of the same. Still slowly trying to work shirts and pants into my daily routine. One day. Oh the kind of worry I'm dealing with these days. Poor me.

Bring on 2013!

I cant believe 2012 is over. I remember last year at this time I could not stop wondering if 2012 would be our year or not. There were so many what ifs. I also began my last semester of college. I cant believe its already been a year since I had that semester from hell. Whoever said you'll get pregnant when you stop stressing was on crack. I got pregnant the most stressful month of my schooling. I had two 25 page papers, one 10 page paper due, and was taking statistics from the evil professor who expected perfection and didnt even flinch when he left me in tears in his office. On top of that I got shoulder surgery. So screw that crap.

I found out that I missed the deadline to apply for grad school to get my LCSW. So I cant apply til NEXT november and then start the following september. BUT then my brother and SIL pointed out that I'll never get this time back with my girls so why not take full advantage of that and just embrace every moment with them. True dat.

It's such a relief that my uterus and I dont have to talk at all this year. We can part our seperate ways and she can shut up and not give me any trouble.

Right now my life isn't very glamorous. I can count the number of times I've gotten out of my pjs since November on one hand. Most days I don't even bother putting a shirt on. Sleep is precious and far in between. I'm lucky if I get a shower. Most meals I have to wolf it down as fast as I can because thing 1 or thing 2 wants something. I feel like a cave man everytime I go outside. You know to check the mail. The highlight of my day.

Oh and to top it off I had searing hot red lumpy boob aka plugged ducts. It was fun. Nothing like dipping your swollen boob in a hot bath to fill a sunday afternoon.

BUT I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'd much rather have all these little nuisances than worrying if this was my month or whether my body was going to evacuate my baby out of the building. And I guess having control over both sides of my face is just a plus.

And from experience I know there is an end to the sleepless nights. But man at the time you cant help but roll your eyes and ask why oh why when you see those wide eyes staring straight back at you in the dark at 3am. And since Haven has come home, Jayda, who normally sleeps like a rock decided that she wants to join the party and has been getting up multiple times a night.

This is the recovery after one hellish night.

Well I knew exactly why she was waking up. It wasnt because she needed water, or to pee, or to just say "I love you daddy", it was because she is transitioning and anxious since she isnt getting a lot of attention during the day, understandably.

In my last couple of semesters I became really interested in children's trauma and anxiety. And one of the big signs that there is anxiety in their life is by their sleeping patterns. So instead of focusing on threatening her things during the night (that doesnt work) I just had to really make an effort in doing things with her during the day, even if I wanted to gouge my eyes out instead because I'm running on empty. And sure enough, she sleeps through the night again since I've been making more of an effort.

The other day I woke up with her instead of Chase because I wanted to let him sleep in since he was just so exhausted. It freaked her out and she cried the entire morning and day. It was frustrating but really it just broke my heart because I knew why. I really havent given her enough attention because Haven eats a million times a day, I have to pump a million times a day, and Haven is awake a lot more so its difficult to play with Jayda.

So I've been making an effort to do more things with Jayda and keeping her busy with things. I even got in the bath with her (she always asks to take a bath with me)and played with her princess figurines. She hates hot water so I sat in a butt cold bath naked playing with her. She had a blast and I just put on a brave face and was so happy when Haven started crying and I "had" to get out.

Today we went on a much needed mommy daughter date. We got our nails painted and went to lunch at the pizza factory. She had a blast!

This year we have so many things we want to do with the girls. In April we're going to disneyland. Jayda talks about it everyday. Now that we cant threaten her with the naughty list we told her that she needs to eat a lot so she can grow tall enough to ride the rides at disneyland. That pumped her up to eat 3 breadsticks and half a piece of pizza for dinner. We're such mean parents.

This summer were going to Lake Powell with both girls. So excited I can actually tube and knee board this year instead of being pregnant!

Hopefully in the next month Chase can meet his quota for Farmers and we can get on salary so he can quit his other job. He has to have 40 pieces of insurance and 4 pieces of life to get on salary. He's at 28 and 1 so he's super close. And awesome considering the holidays are the hardest time to sell anything. He's almost there but the deadline is the 18th of this month otherwise 10 of his items gets knocked off. Its going to be such a relief financially and time wise when he does though.

Yesterday we decided to venture out of the cave and go on a lunch date to Red Robin. We all needed it. The lady behind us had the sweetest looking hat. Of course Jayda was curious and stuck her face right by her face. Embarassing.

And I just love this little babes! After her immunizations shes acted so funky. She didnt sleep or eat well for awhile. Yesterday she started eating like she normally does. I took her to the LC this morning because she had been a little bugger and decided she only likes the left boob. She just would not latch on the left because she knows it has a slower flow. But of course right when I called the LC she started latching like a pro. And she still gained a ton even with the nursing strike. On saturday when she got her synagist she weighed 8lbs 2oz. Today she was 8lbs 9oz. Little chunk! So looks like her immunizations just screwed her up!

And the coolest part is that she said that we should just let Haven sleep at night. The neo at the NICU said we had to wake her every 3hrs but she just wants to sleep and has been gaining great so why not let her sleep? And the LC said I should just treat her like a regular baby because thats how she is acting. Shes been going 5hrs the last couple of days and its SO nice! Then instead of being wide awake after feeding her she'll gulp it down and sleep for another few hours! Hopefully it stays that way...it probably wont.