But then I read some golden advice on a breastfeeding support board: "Never ever quit on your worst day. If you are going to quit, no shame in that, but if you do quit then quit on your best day. That way you wont ever regret your decision made out of frustration."
So I did just that. On those days that I was crying and wanted to pull my hair out I thought....no not on my worst day. One day even Chase was done with it. He was sick of me complaining and just said, "Well why don't you just quit then?" I was so angry at him. And no one tells me to quit anything. So I was even more motivated to stick with it.
Well I am pleased to say its gotten a lot easier! In fact the little stink loves breastfeeding so much she wont even take a bottle! SMH! Ok well thats a little bit dramatic. She'll take a bottle if we leave her with my MIL but it takes her forever. We left her for four hours for Chases work thing (signed his contract to go on salary and out with the big wigs for lunch)and she took forever to take a bottle of 3 oz. She was fussing when I got home as my MIL was trying to feed her and the minute I put her on she just downed her feed.
If I'm home, forget it! Even if I'm in the other room she won't take it! That makes it hard at nights because she was sleeping so crappy. Literally she was up every 45 min-1 wanting to eat or come lay in bed with me. Now that we keep her up more during the day she sleeps better but still not the best. Chase wanted to let me sleep a couple of nights but nope she wouldnt eat for him. The minute he brought her in to me she ate and went right to sleep.
And no co-sleeping is not an option. I have found I'm not a cuddler by nature. At least not when I'm trying to sleep. Call me crazy but I'd rather sleep without someone sucking on my nipple all night long. I know crazy. Plus the times I have tried co-sleeping for her to breastfeed I wake up to a huge burp, the feeling of wet slime all over my body and a puddle of milk on my sheets. No thank you. Not to mention my back kills me with the side lying position. Anyone that knows me knows I'm very finnicky about my positions....er maybe not...I meant sleep positions. Sheesh.
Its the best feeling in the world to get the most smiles out of her then anyone else. And when Chase brings her to me to eat at night the first thing she does is smile when she sees my face or hears my voice. And knowing that she prefers me to anyone else and that she relies on me so much makes me so happy. Maybe talk to me in a few months but right now I love it.
Maybe it's a control thing... I dont know. But after having so many instances in my baby making career where I lost all sense of control its nice to finally feel like I'm doing something right. That I can do something for my baby that no one else can do. That is the total opposite of how I felt with Jayda first when we were in the NICU and then when we brought Jayda home and she wouldn't eat. I felt so helpless and relied heavily on Chase to take care of her because I swore up and down that she hated me and that I could do nothing to comfort her cries. She cried all the time. Then Chase would come home from work, hold her and she'd calm right down. I swore she hated me so bad she didnt even want to be inside me and thats why she broke free from my womb of death.
Its funny now we tell her what a horrible baby she was and she just laughs. I tell her that when she was a baby she said, "Waaaahhhhhhh, BARF, Waaahhhhhhh, BARF, Waaahhhhhhh." All.day.long. For months. So now she just mocks herself and laughs. Waaahhhh waahhhh waahhhh BARF. At least now we can all laugh about it. Because at the time it was.not.funny. I'm suprised we all made it out alive.
I think this time Chase feels how I felt. Like he cant do much with her but hold her until I take her to feed her and then put her to sleep. But I warned him when I was pregnant that he may have won over the first child but he was to not even think about doing the same with Haven. And my plan has been successful. Muahahahaha.
One thing that does drive me crazy is that Haven hates her nursing cover and so if were out in public I have to find some dark cold vacant room to nurse her in. Again with the dramatics. Seriously if people were cool with it I would just pop those suckers out. I wouldnt care but I know it would wierd some people out.
When I was pregnant with Haven I went out to eat with a friend and noticed a girl was breastfeeding her kid and I could see her boob although it wasnt like in your face type of thing, just the side of it a little. Most people just gawk and say how gross it is but I seriously wanted to go up to her and tell her how awesome she was. I wish I had guts like that but I understand how it could make some people uncomfortable. I guess people just dont like boobs and food. I thought that describes most men but apparantly not when in relation to a baby. Go figure.