Life is full of comparisions. Women are the worst at it. When you have children it just gets worse. Oh your baby is 9 months old and not crawling yet? Mine crawled at 5 months, but she's just advanced for her age. What size does she wear? Oh thats it? My kid grew out of that size at 3 months old. She might as well be wearing my clothes by now.
Barf.
I don't understand what the competition is. Why it matters and what women are trying to compensate for? Does it help them to feel better to compare your children to others? Are they just little trophies to show off? But it happens and it happens even before you have kids.
Primary infertility vs secondary infertility. Micropreemie vs later preemie. First trimester loss vs second trimester loss vs third trimester loss vs SIDs loss. High functioning autisim vs low functioning autisim. The list goes on.
Are we that angry that we have to compare our hurts, our losses, our trials with eachother? Women always have to win whether its with baby milestones or how bad their life is.
Truely our trials are subjective. They are molded for us as individuals. What may be traumatic for one individual may not mean crap to another.
One woman may plan her entire pregnancy that she wants a natural water birth but things turn out differently and she ends up getting an emergency c-section. Healthy baby. Healthy mom. What more could you ask for, right? Not really. To that mom it wasn't about the trial compared to another mom. It was about her perception of the trial to herself. Her control over the situation was taken away. Her plan drained down the toilet. That is devestating to her, not necessarily everyone around her, but its devestating to her and that's all that should matter.
Let's face it we all would love to control what happens to us especially when talking about bad experiences. Could I compare myself to said previous example and say "Oh pahlease, wanna hear my birth story? I could take a crap on your birth story and it would still be better than mine." But what does that help? Does that lift me up? Is adding points to my crappy trial score card going to help me feel better? Wahoo. I'm winning at being pitiful. Best award ever.
Have I been guilty of this before? Has everyone? Sure, and I'll continue to have my moments where I just want to shut this lady up who's whining about what seems to me like a perfectly acceptable birth story to me.
But I've learned it doesn't help you feel better. You're not only tearing others down. You're at the bottom of the pile of the people you took down with you.
Barf.
I don't understand what the competition is. Why it matters and what women are trying to compensate for? Does it help them to feel better to compare your children to others? Are they just little trophies to show off? But it happens and it happens even before you have kids.
Primary infertility vs secondary infertility. Micropreemie vs later preemie. First trimester loss vs second trimester loss vs third trimester loss vs SIDs loss. High functioning autisim vs low functioning autisim. The list goes on.
Are we that angry that we have to compare our hurts, our losses, our trials with eachother? Women always have to win whether its with baby milestones or how bad their life is.
Truely our trials are subjective. They are molded for us as individuals. What may be traumatic for one individual may not mean crap to another.
One woman may plan her entire pregnancy that she wants a natural water birth but things turn out differently and she ends up getting an emergency c-section. Healthy baby. Healthy mom. What more could you ask for, right? Not really. To that mom it wasn't about the trial compared to another mom. It was about her perception of the trial to herself. Her control over the situation was taken away. Her plan drained down the toilet. That is devestating to her, not necessarily everyone around her, but its devestating to her and that's all that should matter.
Let's face it we all would love to control what happens to us especially when talking about bad experiences. Could I compare myself to said previous example and say "Oh pahlease, wanna hear my birth story? I could take a crap on your birth story and it would still be better than mine." But what does that help? Does that lift me up? Is adding points to my crappy trial score card going to help me feel better? Wahoo. I'm winning at being pitiful. Best award ever.
Have I been guilty of this before? Has everyone? Sure, and I'll continue to have my moments where I just want to shut this lady up who's whining about what seems to me like a perfectly acceptable birth story to me.
But I've learned it doesn't help you feel better. You're not only tearing others down. You're at the bottom of the pile of the people you took down with you.
Love your posts, and you are right=women are always competing with eachother over stuff like this. I wish it would just STOP. (HUGS).
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