We got ourselves a little climber

Jayda has been climbing for awhile but now its getting outta control. She is climbing EVERYTHING. The table, chairs, on the shelves, on the end tables, and I even found her on her dresser the other day! The lady at the gym daycare said that she climbs on everything there too. It's so funny but scary too! When she turns 3 we are going to put her into gymnastics! She has the perfect body type and I bet she would love it. She tries to do sommersaults now. Too cute. Here's some pics of some of her climbing adventures.

Don't mind the mess on my table. But she decided this was a good place to watch her toy story.

First she climbed up on the jogging stroller...

Had to take a peek at herself in a picture :D....

And yup there it is. I guess I can't complain much since her NICU pic is in the background to remind me how far she truely has come!

Again excuse the mess. I was getting rid of some of her clothes she's to big to fit in....we won't even talk about what sizes they are. Let's just say they've been in the closet for awhile :D

The other day she climbed up on my friends son's high chair. It was scary!!

And of course the toilet...

to press the "buttons"

Fun at Town Square

So the other day I met up with some friends and their kiddos at Town Square and had a blast. Jayda loved running EVERYWHERE to the point that we had to leave because she just couldn't sit still. She isn't a fan of water either. She either gets too cold or just gets too scared and can't be in it for too long...which is wierd because I LOVED water when I was little. Just a personality thing I guess...I always joke though that maybe thats why my water broke so early...she just hates "swimming" he he.

But I met up with Amelia (her son Lincoln) and Melissa (her daughter Summer). It was fun but really windy. Oh how I hate bi-polar weather in St. George. I am officially giving the sun permission to burn the heck out of me! Bring on the heat waves!

Here's some pics of our adventures

Mills and Lincoln

Getting all 3 of them together for a pic was HARD! haha Jayda couldn't sit still so this is the best we got.

Jayda and Summer being crazy

He loved this statue thingy.

Blah I look gross and Jayda was too preoccupied with playing.

Melissa and Summer

And here is one of J after we left and went to Mill's house. She climbed on top of his high chair. I have no idea how that happened. She's our little gymnist.

This is from the other day when she was trying to give Lincoln a kiss. She was denied. haha

What I can control...

I will admit. I am a control freak. Sometimes I think God likes to test me by putting or letting situations happen to me that test my ability to trust in others or even God himself. That's such a hard thing for me to do because I'm a "get in there and do it myself" type of person. Situations with Jayda being born so early, her issues with eating, and now trying to get pregnant always seem to leave me helpless and not being able to control anything about it. So I've come to that point in the last week or so that I am "giving up the reins" so to speak and just letting it happen.

At the end of the day I'm still a control freak though so I HAVE to control some aspect of my life. I mean cmon, right? So the two things that I am going to really focus my energy on besides my family of course is
1. exercising and staying fit
2. school and finishing my degree!

That last one makes me super excited because after several major changes and really not knowing what direction I wanted to go I now am without a doubt going into something I am passionate about. It's funny how your life experiences shape who you are and what you will become. Before I had Jayda, I knew I wanted to go into social work but didn't know at all what I wanted to do with it. Now I know without a doubt that I want to either be a social worker at a Children's Hospital or be a caseworker at an adoption agency since I believe in adoption so much and want to actually adopt a child one day.

I was signing up for classes today because I am a senior!! Yipee! I took the pludge and decided what the heck...I'm just going to double up on classes and just get it done! I am taking 1 or 2 classes this summer (I still have to see if one will actually count and will be worth taking) and then I am going to take 4 classes in the fall. I have 11 total classes to take. So if I really haul butt and just get her done then I could possibly be done in the Spring or Summer of next year!!

And another cool thing. I talked to our social worker at the NICU at our last NICU reunion and we talked breifly about me doing an internship over at the hospital!! I need to call and chat with her again to make sure but that would be SO awesome. I would be able to learn and talk to other parents going through some of the same things I have personally been through. How awesome would that be?!! What a dream job that would be! Can't wait to be done with school though...although I still want to get my Masters though. Ekkkk!

Fun Dinner with some Awesome Friends

So on April Fool's day a couple in our ward invited us to dinner. When we walked in there was all their furniture pushed to the side and some plastic on the ground. They called it their "spaggetti dinner" and we ate off the plastic on the ground with no utencils. It sounds really wierd but it was actually great fun. So we decided to do it for some of our friends last night. We didn't tell them what it was about until they got there because the suprise it the best part. Plus if we were to tell them then it would have sounded way crazy and weird. Here are some pics of us getting dirty!! At first they were like "what the....." but then got right into it. It was a BLAST! P.S. We are making this a family tradition because kids LOVE it! Clean up is SO easy too. Just roll up the plastic and you are DONE!

Sandi, Bret, Chelsi, and Drew eating the "old fashioned way"

it goes down the gullet faster that way! haha....

STUFFED!

Sandi's creepy eyes! haha

Best part is ALWAYS playing scum!

Play Date!

So yesterday both kids were feeling good finally so my good friend Amelia and I got together with our kiddos to have a play date since it had been forever since both were finally well! We went to Cafe Rio for lunch and then back to Amelia's house to play for a bit. It was a lot of fun! Here are some pics!

Lincoln trying to give some crayons to Jayda

Lincoln was VERY vocal and kept "talking" to everyone around us. It was so funny!

I love how Jayda is looking at Lincoln like "what are YOU doing?" haha

Jayda using all Lincoln's toys

Lincoln showing Jayda "around" haha

And of course....Jayda had to teach Lincoln some "hidden treasures" he hadn't discovered yet. UH OH sorry Mills! :D

General Conference Talks that touched me

I loved GC this year! It's exactly what I needed for a pick me up! Here are some highlights of what talks and quotes touched me!

The Atonement Covers All Pain- Kent Richards- http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/the-atonement-covers-all-pain?lang=eng

"I have pondered about the purpose of pain. None of us is immune from experiencing pain. I have seen people cope with it very differently. Some turn away from God in anger, and others allow their suffering to bring them closer to God." .....umm was he talking directly to me??? :D

"Like you, I have experienced pain myself. Pain is a gauge of the healing process. It often teaches us patience. Perhaps that is why we use the term patient in referring to the sick.


Elder Orson F. Whitney wrote: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.” 1

"Opposition is part of Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness. We all encounter enough to bring us to an awareness of our Father’s love and of our need for the Savior’s help."

And I bawled like a little baby when I heard this story since it hit close to home....

Thirteen-year-old Sherrie underwent a 14-hour operation for a tumor on her spinal cord. As she regained consciousness in the intensive care unit, she said: “Daddy, Aunt Cheryl is here, … and … Grandpa Norman … and Grandma Brown … are here. And Daddy, who is that standing beside you? … He looks like you, only taller. … He says he’s your brother, Jimmy.” Her uncle Jimmy had died at age 13 of cystic fibrosis.


“For nearly an hour, Sherrie … described her visitors, all deceased family members. Exhausted, she then fell asleep.Later she told her father, “Daddy, all of the children here in the intensive care unit have angels helping them.”

I may have been mad at God when we were in the NICU but I knew for sure Jayda had help from the other side...there's no way she couldn't have. I know my sister Candy was there and I bet my Great Grandma Ella Vita was there too. I only named Jayda Elle after her!! :P But thinking about that then and now comforts me.

The Eternal Blessings of Marriage- Richard G. Scott- http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/the-eternal-blessings-of-marriage?lang=eng

"One night our little son Richard, who had a heart problem, awoke crying. The two of us heard it. Normally my wife always got up to take care of a crying baby, but this time I said, “I’ll take care of him.”


Because of his problem, when he began to cry, his little heart would pound very rapidly. He would throw up and soil the bed clothing. That night I held him very close to try to calm his racing heart and stop his crying as I changed his clothes and put on new bedsheets. I held him until he went to sleep. I didn’t know then that just a few months later he would pass away. I will always remember holding him in my arms in the middle of that night.

I remember well the day he passed away. As Jeanene and I drove from the hospital, we pulled over to the side of the road. I held her in my arms. Each of us cried some, but we realized that we would have him beyond the veil because of the covenants we had made in the temple. That made his loss somewhat easier to accept.
This story touched my heart so much and put it all into perspective. I know when Jayda would throw up every night and had horrible colic I would be so impatient and stressed. What a way to put it into perspective.

More Than Conquerors through Him that Loved us-Paul V. Johnson-http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/more-than-conquerors-through-him-that-loved-us?lang=eng

This quote was written for me! It's so true. Sometimes it just seems like God knows the perfect spot to kick you and you can't help but have a lot of "why me moments" but its all to strengthen you in the end.
At times it may seem that our trials are focused on areas of our lives and parts of our souls with which we seem least able to cope. Since personal growth is an intended outcome of these challenges, it should come as no surprise that the trials can be very personal—almost laser guided to our particular needs or weaknesses. And no one is exempt, especially not Saints striving to do what’s right. Some obedient Saints may ask, “Why me? I’m trying to be good! Why is the Lord allowing this to happen?” The furnace of affliction helps purify even the very best of Saints by burning away the dross in their lives and leaving behind pure gold. 6 Even very rich ore needs refining to remove impurities. Being good is not enough. We want to become like the Savior, who learned as He suffered “pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind.”

I LOVED this anaolgy! It reminds me of that Miley Cyris song "the climb" which I love because of the words.
The Crimson Trail in Logan Canyon is one of my favorite hikes. The main part of the trail creeps along the top of tall limestone cliffs and offers beautiful vistas of the canyon and valley below. Getting to the top of the cliffs isn’t easy, however. The trail there is a constant climb; and just before reaching the top, the climber encounters the steepest part of the trail; and views of the canyon are hidden by the cliffs themselves. The final exertion is more than worth the effort because once the climber is on top, the views are breathtaking. The only way to see the views is to make the climb.

A pattern in the scriptures and in life shows that many times the darkest, most dangerous tests immediately precede remarkable events and tremendous growth. “After much tribulation come the blessings.”


Sometimes we want to have growth without challenges and to develop strength without any struggle. But growth cannot come by taking the easy way. We clearly understand that an athlete who resists rigorous training will never become a world-class athlete. We must be careful that we don’t resent the very things that help us put on the divine nature.


Not one of the trials and tribulations we face is beyond our limits, because we have access to help from the Lord. We can do all things through Christ, who strengthens us. 16

After recovering from serious health challenges, Elder Robert D. Hales shared the following in general conference: “On a few occasions, I told the Lord that I had surely learned the lessons to be taught and that it wouldn’t be necessary for me to endure any more suffering. Such entreaties seemed to be of no avail, for it was made clear to me that this purifying process of testing was to be endured in the Lord’s time and in the Lord’s own way. … I … learned that I would not be left alone to meet these trials and tribulations but that guardian angels would attend me. There were some that were near angels in the form of doctors, nurses, and most of all my sweet companion, Mary. And on occasion, when the Lord so desired, I was to be comforted with visitations of heavenly hosts that brought comfort and eternal reassurances in my time of need.” 17

Our Heavenly Father loves us, and we “know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.” 18 Someday when we get to the other side of the veil, we want more than for someone just to tell us, “Well, you’re done.” Instead, we want the Lord to say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.” 19

Anyways those are just some of the things that really touched me. I felt like a lot of the talks were directed at me and feel so grateful for it coming when it did! :D

Pity Party Post

I think I have finally bottomed out on my emotions. I have just been so stressed this last week and don't feel motivated to do anything. I was so frustrated because of my chart wasn't very clear and I couldn't figure out what was going on. It looked like I was late for my period but then now it looks like I didn't even ovulate, if I even ever did... until about CD26 or 27th which was a few days ago. I just feel so defeated and am over it. I'm not going to do any charting or temping anymore because its just too drainign when you expect one thing and get another.

I feel like my body is just telling me to stop. With my chemical pregnancy, micropreemie, and now my body not being able to normalize I'm just feeling like my body is just telling me that its not a good idea to be pregnant and carry a baby...because so far it looks like its not able to. I have been so depressed this last week not knowing what is going on with my body and its affecting my relationship with my daughter. During the day I'm just too depressed to even play with her and have been really touchy lately. She doesn't deserve that. I guess I should be glad that I even have one kid since some women don't even get that opportunity and what am I doing? Worrying about getting another one. Its just not fair to her or Chase for me to take it out on them by always being so touchy with my emotions that I just can't enjoy my time with her.

When I started blogging and being open to family and friends about my "infertility"... if you could call it that since I feel really guilty saying that when I follow blogs of women with *real* infertility....but I couldn't understand why people with infertility didn't talk about it and let others out there know of what they are going through. I think now I understand. Its funny when you are around or talk to women that are pregnant that know you want to be pregnant so bad. It's awquard to say the least. And not awquard because you feel sad that you want to be pregnant so bad but because the pregnant woman feels bad for being pregnant. So as a result those that are pregnant avoid you so as to not have awquard moments. I hate that because then it makes it more awquard when you do talk to them. Then they say sorry you aren't pregnant yet and then there is silence. It's kinda of one of those things that you feel bad if they don't talk to you but also would feel bad if all they did was talk to you. Its an all around weird situation. Other than that...blogging about my infertility I have no regrets.

But as for now I am done and just don't care anymore. Caring takes too much work and all that ever happens in the end is heartbreak. All I want is to get pregnant, have a full term baby....no NICU, no birth defects, and take her home when I do. Sigh.....oh well. Why press the issue right?

This weekend I went to my MIL's house for my BIL's birthday party. I was over there talking to a family friend who has 5 kids. After her first she couldn't get pregnant with her second for FIVE years. She did charting and temping and everything. She finally just gave up and figured whatever. After a few months she got pregnant on her own when her car got repossessed. Then she had no problems after that getting her other kids. So I guess Heavenly Father wasn't ready to send her kids down yet. So maybe thats whats going on here? Sigh....oh welllllll.

General Conference Weekend

Well lets just say General Conference was exactly what I needed this weekend after my "breakthrough" with God. :D I'll have to go through and post the parts of the talks that hit close to home when the text is posted on Thursday. I think it was Richard G Scotts talk (i think that was who it was) that made me cry when he talked about his baby that died. I could not imagine actually going through that.

We went over to my mom and dad's house for our traditional General Conference scones during the Sunday morning session. I must say it was hard to pay attention to a lot of that session because Jayda was running wild so I'll have to go back and read that session.

One thing that was really awesome was after the morning session I sat down and talked with my dad about my lineage and family history. My grandma was a big geneologist and luckily we have a lot of history and keepsakes from way back in the 1800s. My dad actually has pictures of my grandparents dating back several generations. Its really cool to actually see their faces in their 1800's attire. It really puts meaning behind just a name in a family tree. I heard some really cool stories too.

One story has always been pretty cool but I heard more in depth about was my Grandpa Adams. He was born as a result of an affair between a white nurse on an indian reservation and another indian. She kept it a secret and gave my grandpa up for adoption. My great grandma Ella Vita couldn't have kids for unknown reasons so she adopted my grandpa. I have always felt close to her even though I never met her and actually named Jayda after her "Jayda Elle". I wanted to name her Ella Vita but Chase wouldn't let me because he said it sounded like "velvetta" haha. But I have also always wanted to adopt and my grandma Ella believed in adoption so much. She knew that adoption was just a catalyst to bring HER spirit children to her since she couldn't do it herself. I never got to meet her but I know that one day we will. She was very active in the church and actually got her husband more active and they weren't sealed in the temple until later. The white nurse that had my grandpa kept the secret to her grave and never told any of her family. I guess they had tried to set up meetings with her and she said that she didn't want to tell her family so they could come over "as friends" but they decided not to since they didnt want to be some secret. Plus it didnt matter. My grandma Ella was my grandpa's mom. Also her mom was in a polygamist marriage and she was the 2nd wife. I still need to read more about her mom's life since we have a lot of info on her. I thought that was interesting though.

Another story that I thought was interesting was my great great great grandma came on a boat from Denmark and she had a preemie that died...but my dad never knew how early.

There were a lot of interesting things but don't have time to write them all out right now. Here are some pics from at my parents house. My mom got all these little toys/things for Jayda to do from the $store including a little backpack. It looked adorable on her!

My dad and Jayda...he was wearing overalls haha...

making our traditional scones and bacon (although I dont eat bacon only turkey bacon...yeah I'm wierd)

Jayda with her cooking apron my mom got her..too cute

Jayda looking at the "tortules"

Later that day we went over to Chase's parents house for Cason's b-day dinner. It was a lot of fun and we saw some friends that we hadn't seen in a long time!