UTI Fun

Last night I couldn't sleep because of 1. worry 2. cramping on my left side that had been going on for a few days.

My first thought. Oh shiz it's ectopic or a cyst. I tossed and turned all night long. Googled and googled ectopic. Horror stories, really. Literally had me shaking in my little boots because what was some of the risk factors of ectopic? Infertility. Of course. That biatch infertility.

Called right at 8:30 this morning and my dr isn't in all day because of surgeries. And so I talked to his medical assistant Kristi. I started crying when I was talking to her because I was just so worried. She was super understanding and said that she had talked to the doctor and he wanted me to come in and get another beta to see if my levels were funky (common with ectopic) and to get a urine sample.

So I went in and got the blood drawn although we ended up throwing it out later. Went to give a urine sample, looked down and knew right away something was wrong. Sorry if this is TMI but it had chunks in it. I went up to her and said, "Uhh my pee has chunks in it? Is that normal?" Immediately she knew what was wrong.

We went in the back where they have the lab and she was almost certain I had a UTI. She ran it and explained to me how pregnant women are more prone to them because the baby is sitting right on their bladder and hormonal changes during pregnancy don't mix well with a short urethra. So it came up immediately that I had a UTI. Big phew!

She said it was a big problem that I wasn't downing enough fluids either because my kidneys are probably having a hard time not getting enough fluids. I've just been puking a lot. Drinking too much water makes me throw up but I just need to force myself to drink a little at a time. I also got gatorade and cranberry juice.

But if it came right down to it I'd rather be puking and being reassured than feeling great with tons of energy doubting there is even anything in there.

I'm still pretty crampy and tender but hoping that subsides in the next couple of days once the antibiotics set in. I'm so glad I went in and got this figured out and didn't wait for it to travel to my kidneys!

Can't wait til next week to see the little bugger on that screen!

Uterus updated

Sorry I haven't updated lately. My life is so hectic right now. I'm in the middle of finals. Have a toddler and have been watching my friend's 3 month old all day ( I need to create a post about the dynamic between him and Jayda...its just too funny). Plus I've been sick and throwing up. All pleasant things. And no I'm not joking. It's just a lot at once. The poor librarian today got her arse handed to her by hormonal ole me. Of course right when I got home I found the book she accused me of not returning and came back apologizing for yelling at her. Gotta love the ole blaming the hormones trick for being an a-hole.

I guess another reason I haven't updated is I don't know exactly what to say. I know there are so many people who want to be pregnant so badly right now that are reading my blog and it kills me to even mention it. I guess it's the survivor guilt because I refuse to sit here and googoogaga over all things pregnancy. Have no idea what googoogaga means but you get the point.

One thing I can't stand is people who have dealt with inferility, get pregnant and totally forget their journey. They ignore it even existed and refuse to offer support to other women still going through it. It's already such a lonely battle and you can lose many friends along the way but your own IF friends turning their backs and forgetting is a whole other pain.

I hate to admit it but a lot of times when I followed blogs of women who had IF and got pregnant I would click the unfollow button. Not because I wasn't happy for them but just because a lot of times they forgot where they came from and how lonely it is on the other side. They rub in ultrasound pictures, nursery pictures, gender announcements without even an acknowledgment of their infertility.

They are trying to move on. I get that but this is something that is an integral part of your life for so long. I guess its too hard for me to just let go the minute I see two lines. That pain runs a whole lot deeper and that wound won't heal for awhile. Part of me doesn't know if I even want it to heal completely. It keeps you grounded. Keeps you grateful.
Theres this one blogger who just had a baby after 3 failed IUIs, and 2 failed IVFs. She was one person I have loved following because she acknowledges her infertility journey. She has empathy for those still suffering instead of thinking just about her own happiness. She never posted ultrasound pictures or belly pics week by week. Never rubbed her pregnancy in your face and never complained. I looked forward to her posts because she made me laugh and cry all at the same time. Even when we were at such different points in our journey.

She posted this today and it's everything I want to say in just the right words. Gosh, I love this blogger. She's so rad.

http://the2weekwait.blogspot.com/2012/04/dont-ignore.html

For those wondering. I'm holding up good. I feel SO good about this pregnancy. I firmly believe in the mind body connection. I think that during pregnancy a woman (if tuned in) can communicate with her body unconciously about what is happening inside her. Crazy I know, but I believe that if a woman is looking she can know if something is just not right. Right when I found out I was pregnant with Jayda I had a feeling something was off. That grew as the weeks went by. I spotted on and off and just felt like something was wrong. Even when ultrasounds and blood tests showed everything was perfect. Everyone EVERYONE called me paranoid, but I was right. Something was wrong.

This time around it feels different. I feel so good. I haven't spotted at all. I've been so sick but loving every second of it (ok not loving but loving the reassurance). I'm not worried about whether eating Subway will kill the baby or whether taking a hot bath is boiling the baby to death. What I do worry slightly about is things out of my control. Not even worry but more cautiously optomistic. I feel like after writing this post I need to find some wood and knock on it.

I just don't want to get too excited because its still too early but can't help but fantasize how this could really be it. How I can finally have my family more complete.

For the most part I feel peace and I wonder how that is, but thankful for it all at the same time. Maybe I worked so hard for this that no matter what happens it will seem like a triumph. Like something really went right for once. That I had a baby growing inside me for at least a few weeks instead of worrying about cervical mucus and ovulation dates.

The day after I got my positive I got right in the next day for a BETA. The first BETA was 1005 which is amazing. The second BETA was 2356. Way awesome since they like it to double every 48 hours. I have an ultrasound on May 8th. My dr said to schedule it for 2 weeks but I scheduled it for 3 because next week is finals and if something is wrong I just don't want to know. The old Ashley would have been tortured by waiting an extra week.

Until then I am blissfully ignorant and for once hoping God will let me stay that way.

My Thoughts Assembled. Sorta.

One thing that has drove me crazy about some IF bloggers is the minute they get pregnant they forget who's reading their blog. They are so thrilled about their BFP that they forget there are several women out there that have never seen a BFP for years. Friends have come and gone. Left and forgotten. And they are still not in "the club". It's lonely and half your heart is happy and half of it is sad.

I get it.

You are happy but it seems to always happen on the wrong day. The day you finally feel strong enough to venture out you see another triumph. Another BFP. Another day you aren't pregnant.

Infertility is literally a battle. It feels like you're fighting a wall of barriers. Then the minute you get past that you find another barrier. Then another. Then another. It's exhausting. Mentally, spiritually, physically.

When you see another woman plow through her barrier and win the battle....(although the war is not won until you see that precious babe in your arms) you feel happy thats one less person fighting the battle, but makes you feel that much more alone. That much more defeated. That much more defected. That much more behind.

I'm not going to go through all the hoopla of what happened today.

What I will say is I have never felt so grateful in my entire life (besides of course Jader bug). The minute I found out I started sobbing. I ran down the street like a crazy person. Found a friend hugged and sobbed on her shoulder. Found another friend and sobbed on her shoulder. I felt like I won the Olympics.

But I felt like I cheated.

I think its easy to say that it's because we "stopped stressing." There are so many women that take breaks and this doesn't happen.

I distinctly remember the conversation I had at the end of my appointment with my doctor.

Dr. C: What if you're pregnant?!
Me: I'll cry. No, because then people will just tell me "see ALL you had to do was stop stressing". Yeah? I'm gonna pop ya in the mouth.
Dr. C.: Well ya know theres times when some of my patients will take a couple months off for things like surgery (pointing at me) and they come back with their positives. We can't explain it. Do we take credit for that? Did it happen because of the meds and they just needed to do it on their own? And although it could happen you still have a small chance of concieving on your own.

So although I think that doing it on my own helped I didn't stress any less (I really don't stress). In fact my doctor said on a scale of 1 to 10 of stressing I was a 3 and he said he gets 9 and 10s in his office all the time. I know that if I didn't go on those meds I would not be pregnant right now. I know that it helped regulate me and my body just wanted to do it on it's own without all the hormones. Or something. I can't explain it.

I feel like I'm in a dream. Floating on a cloud but scared that cloud is going to disepate and I'll be left slamming to the ground.

I couldn't sleep last night. I left the two tests I took by my pillow so I knew when I woke up I hadn't dreamt this like the millions of times I had.

And to all my IF blogger pals. I'm not going to say it'll happen in Gods time. That doesn't help the pain. I'm not going to say its because I took a break. Many of you are on breaks. I'm not going to say its because I was positive. Some of you women are some of the most positive, inspiring women I've "met".  I'm not going to say its because I did some crazy remedy. Stopped doing that a long time ago.

I will say no matter what happens. I'll never forget. I'll never complain. I'll never take one day of this pregnancy for granted. I look forward to the day I barf all day long. The day I look like a beached whale. Please God let me look like a beached whale! The day I get my p17 shot in the butt every week. Knowing each day is Gold.

I'm so scared.  I'll stick it in my box and hope to never have to come and sort through the what ifs. Or the what ifs turned into reality. But I know if I do you all will be there to help me through it.

I guess its our turn...

I'm pregnant.

Holy shiz balls.

Wasn't expecting that.

In shock.

The one month we took off. Don't you dare tell me its because I stopped stressing because I'll chop your gonads off.

Looks like I'm due in December but will have the baby in November.

Definatly not in the clear.

Mixed emotions.

Happy. Excited. Shocked. Nervous. Guilty (that I know so many wonderful women struggling still), Scared Shizless.

I'll report back when I sort through my emotions and stop shaking.

I keep looking at those two lines wondering if I'm going to wake up from this dream and land back into infertility hell.

Jayda. Eating. Chiropractor.

Jayda is such a little bum. Literally she has no bum. She is nearing 3 years old *sobs* and is only 21lbs or so. I come from a breed that doesn't believe in forcing my child to eat. I figure kids are better at regulating what they need more so then adults are. If anything we can learn from them not to gorge ourselves with food and truely eat for fuel. But lately I've noticed that she is just not gaining. Granted she never gained that great but she was following her little itty bitty growth curve and all was well. For some reason she has just plateaued.

So I had a friend that suggested an acupunturist for my fertility stuff that is also an acuptunturist/chiropractor for kids (thanks Juli). I was super reluctant about it since that just sounds super duper freaky. I figured we'd give it a try since I had a coupon for a free visit and I wanted to check her out before I went in for my acupunture.

She said she couldn't do acupunture on her because she was just too young to understand and it could be traumatic for her. Understandable. So she decided to readjust her because she said that sometimes kids who never seem to be hungry (totally Jayda) then it could be some kind of intestinal issue that needed to be worked out (not far off considering she had an intestinal blockage). So she kind of rubbed her tummy and back and did some adjustments. Super fast.

Jayda was freaked to say the least. She's a very independent little girl but she wanted her MOMMY!

She also gave me some dietary tips for her. I need to feed her on a schedule to get her metabolism moving. Big breakfast, snack, big lunch, snack, big dinner, snack. Try and get more proteins in her and change her from soy milk to almond milk or organic milk. Also to replace regular yogurt with Greek yogurt since it has more fat and protein.

It's so difficult to feed her because all she wants is crap. She'll eat brocolli, carrots, bananas, and apples and oranges (every now and then) but thats about all the veggies or fruit she will eat.

Although the appointment was kinda traumatic for her I think its helped A LOT! She has started eating so much more! I try to offer her food as much as possible but she usually just takes two bites and says, "I full. I not want it." But today she kept saying, "Mama, I'm SO hungry."

Just this morning she has eaten 1/2 a bowl of oatmeal, 1/2 a banana, 8 oz of almond milk, a string cheese, and some popcorn. AMAZING!

We'll see if this does the trick!

"The Box"

Since my appointment on Monday I've felt like I've been in a daze. I felt so strong before. I felt like I had my box tucked away and could look at concieving in a matter of fact way. Since Monday I've found myself cracking that box open and can't help but look in. Then after I've opened it I can't help but sort through the contents.

I think we all need a good box cleanse every now and then. It gets rid of the crap. It's healthy for the soul.

"I'm pregnant."

Two words that I usually can take from others and put on a happy face. Not even a happy face. Truely happy. I can put my issues aside and talk pregnancy. Talk sickness. Talk doctors. Talk about birth plans. It's almost as if I have two seperate personalities. The one that can relate to pregnancy talk and the other that cringes at the thought.

I usually can put aside my heart hurting at the sight of another pregnancy announcement. Another ultrasound picture. Another gender announcement. Another little squishy newborn picture. Another infertility triumph. These last couple days I can't ignore my stomach dropping. My grip is slipping. It feels good to let go, but also scared to feel vulnerable.

I guess it's the shock.

Three months. Three months of waiting. Wondering which direction my life is going to go. I'm scared to let go of the idea of having my own baby and putting my whole heart in adoption.

I feel selfish for that.

Either way I know there is an end. One day this all will seem like a dream. We will never forget but the pain won't sting as bad.

There is a picture that hangs on our wall. It was Jayda when she was three weeks old. Hooked up to wires grasping my finger with her entire hand. Her vulnerable eyes. Set in the palm of her creators hands. A lot like now we didn't know which direction our life was going to go.

Today my almost three year old taught me a lesson. She said as she pointed to this picture,"Mama that was me as a baby. I was sad, but now I'm happy."

We'll get through this one way or the other. And hopefully one day I can look back and say, "You know what we hurt a lot. We suffered. We cried. We prayed. We begged. But look at our beautiful family that was too special to come the old fashioned way."

Easter Weekend

Jayda got spooooiled! On Saturday we went over to the inlaws house and Jayda did a little easter egg hunt and got her own basket from "Mukah" and "Grampie". I think she's had enough candy to clog my  arteries, but hey that's what Easter's all about.

In fact I asked Jayda what the real meaning of Easter was to which she relied enthusiastically, "CAKE!"

On Sunday she woke up and got her basket from us, which she loved. We went to church, didn't take a nap, and then went over for round two at the inlaws. They had a big family dinner that I ended up having to unbutton my pants it was so dang much food. Then she had another little easter egg hunt and decorated eggs. Chase was like a bump on a log because he is not feeling too good but hey he still showed up for the food. Thats all that matters.

Then today I got to watch my hubby's cousin's 6 month old baby, Korvin. He was a freakin doll and gave me my baby fix for the day. I can't wait to add another little babes to the Blake clan. Jayda would be such a good sissy.

Then my mom came over to watch Jayda while we went to our doctors appointment. She just got back from Disney World and spoiled Jayda with a bunch of Mickey Mouse stuff.

She's my favorite. Sweet little bug!

The Appointment

Today was my doctors appointment to discuss our IUI. I brought Chase to this appointment because it takes two to er tango as they say...or in our case three.
I wrote down as many questions as I could think of plus like 150 more I thought of in the office. Chase was quite annoyed with how many questions I asked. Men need to ask but two questions. 1. How much is this going to cost? 2. When do you need my sperm? Lesson learned.

So bottom line is he doesn't know why this is happening. I'm ovulating perfectly, more than likely 2+ eggs each cycle on meds. So this is not an ovulatory issue anymore. Chase's sperm, while not stellar isn't enough to stop me from getting pregnant.

It's just a mystery.

He also told me that a majority of my questions were why questions. He said in the fertility world they try not to ask why questions because it does no good. They don't know why. They just ask what they can do. We need to give my body every opportunity to do it's job and thats all they can do.

At this rate he gives us a 3-5% of concieving on our own. With the IUI it will give us a 20% shot each month (the same shot every normal healthy couple has). If we don't concieve within 3-4 cycles of IUI then he said we actually have the same 3-5% of that working and that we would need to move on to IVF and even that only has a 40-50% of working. Injectables + IUI would be, in my case, crazy because of the chance of multiples and I'm already so high risk. IVF is just not in the cards for us. IVF is upwards to $15,000+. We would just put our effort into adoption but thats what he would recommend if the IUIs don't work for us.

(I can't believe this isn't a hellish dream I'll wake up sweating from. I never thought I'd hear the words IUI or IVF in refernce to me. I always felt so bad for people like me. Pityed them, really.)

So we're going to do 3 cycles of IUI (perhaps 4 if I can talk Chase into it and I'm up for it) and then we're done. We're putting our weapons down and just surrendering. It's both scary and reassuring. Either way this all will be over soon.

Good news is that the IUI will not be as much as we thought it would be. He said that every cycle is about $550-600. About $350 of that is sperm preperation and isn't through him but through the lab at the hospital. He said that they hate worrying about sending the bill off to insurance and would rather just take the money up front. If we did that then they give us a 40% discount and it would only be $200. Then the rest would be added to that with the ultrasound (about $150), my hcg trigger shot, p4 lab, and the actual IUI procedure.

On top of that since we are poor (my words not his, but I'm sure he figured) he said we could talk to his office manager about financial assistance since they have programs set up for couples like us. I'm not sure how much we are talking but hey I hear the word discount and I'm game.

He is rad. I'm so lucky to have a doctor that truly cares about his patients and is empathetic to how much money this costs couples. He told me he's seen patients who have had 20+ IUIs with no success.... which is crazy. But some doctors just see $$$ and say "oh yeah sure this should work this time" when in reality their chances are slim to none.

I'm also going to look into doing acupunture since he thinks its actually good. If not for conception but for health overall; physical, mental, spiritual, etc.

I'm due for my AF this upcoming Saturday or Sunday and then will start the letrozole again and set up my ultrasound unless by some freaking miracle I got pregnant naturally this cycle. If that happens then I'll give my uterus a good cursing session and then thank her tremendously. But seriously 3-5%...I highly doubt I'm that lucky. If I do I better hit Vegas STAT.

And so the beginning of the end begins....

Inspiration through General Conference

For those readers of mine that don't know what General Conference is, it is a bi-annual conference of talks presented by leaders of the LDS church. The talks range from a variety of topics and it is presented live and broadcast on tv. It has 5 sessions and lasts 2 days.

I have to say I usually don't get too much into it and go through the motions but this year I really enjoyed it and found a lot of inspiring quotes or antedotal experiences that apply to a lot of what I am going through in my own life. Even if you are not religious I think that for the most part it can be applied to anyone. I've compiled my favorite quotes below and linked the whole talks next to the title. Enjoy!

Boyd K Packer: "And A Little Child Shall Lead Them" (http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/and-a-little-child-shall-lead-them?lang=eng):

"Another young couple tearfully told me they had just come from a doctor where they were told they would be unable to have children of their own. They were brokenhearted with the news. They were surprised when I told them that they were actually quite fortunate. They wondered why I would say such a thing. I told them their state was infinitely better than that of other couples who were capable of being parents but who rejected and selfishly avoided that responsibility.

I told them, “At least you want children, and that desire will weigh heavily in your favor in your earthly lives and beyond because it will provide spiritual and emotional stability. Ultimately, you will be much better off because you wanted children and could not have them, as compared to those who could but would not have children.”

Still others remain unmarried and therefore childless. Some, due to circumstances beyond their control, are raising children as single mothers or single fathers. These are temporary states. In the eternal scheme of things—not always in mortality—righteous yearning and longing will be fulfilled.

“If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.”

One thing I love about my faith is that it teaches that even if you are not able to have children in this life you will be given the opportunity to have them in the next life. I think women who suffer from infertility and don't have the desired amount of children or any children at all will be blessed infinatly so in the next life. It's not easy all the time and there's times when I just wished I could be "normal" but I guess this a trial in my life that I have been called to pass through and patience is key. I believe in a God that is loving and wants me to be happy and know that in the end he will not keep me from having the family I desire. That gives me comfort.

Henry B. Eyring: "Mountains to Climb" (http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/mountains-to-climb?lang=eng):

It is never too late to strengthen the foundation of faith. There is always time. With faith in the Savior, you can repent and plead for forgiveness. There is someone you can forgive. There is someone you can thank. There is someone you can serve and lift. You can do it wherever you are and however alone and deserted you may feel.

I cannot promise an end to your adversity in this life. I cannot assure you that your trials will seem to you to be only for a moment. One of the characteristics of trials in life is that they seem to make clocks slow down and then appear almost to stop.

There are reasons for that. Knowing those reasons may not give much comfort, but it can give you a feeling of patience. Those reasons come from this one fact: in Their perfect love for you, Heavenly Father and the Savior want you fitted to be with Them to live in families forever. Only those washed perfectly clean through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can be there.

I like this because we may not always recieve the answers we want and perhaps even if we knew the answers its not always what we want to hear. But theres not always an explaination and I firmly believe that one day we'll know why we are called to pass through the things we just don't understand right now. Can I say that my foundation is unshaken? Absolutely not. There's days where I am just so angry and want to just shake my fist in the air and ask why me. But there is time to build that up and I'm working on it.

Ronald Rasband: "Special Lessions" (http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/special-lessons?lang=eng):

"To all of you who have challenges, concerns, disappointments, or heartaches with a dear one, know this: with infinite love and everlasting compassion, God our Heavenly Father loves your afflicted one, and He loves you!

Some might ask when faced with such suffering, how could Almighty God let this happen? And then that seemingly inevitable question, why did this happen to me? Why must we experience disease and events that disable or call precious family members home early or extend their years in pain? Why the heartaches?

At these moments we can turn to the great plan of happiness authored by our Heavenly Father. That plan, when presented in the pre-earth life, prompted us all to shout for joy.² Put simply, this life is training for eternal exaltation, and that process means tests and trials. It has always been so, and no one is spared.

Trusting in God’s will is central to our mortality. With faith in Him, we draw upon the power of Christ’s Atonement at those times when questions abound and answers are few.

Again I don't always enjoy the trials that I'm called to go through but I know that in the end it will make me grow as a person. In a lot of ways it already has. Going through  having a sick baby and infertility sucks, but there are many blessings that have come from it as well. I see the world in a whole new light and am so grateful for what I do have. I don't have all the answers right now but I know that one day I'll have my ENTIRE family together and those little spirits waiting will be reunited with us. When they do get here I'll scold them and ask WHAT WERE YOU DOING UP THERE?!? 

Paxton’s family has learned they are surrounded by countless heavenly and earthly ministering angels. Some have quietly slipped in when needed and silently slipped out. Others have been at the door with food, doing the laundry, picking up the siblings, calling with encouragement, and especially praying for Paxton. Thus another special lesson learned: If you come upon a person who is drowning, would you ask if they need help—or would it be better to just jump in and save them from the deepening waters? The offer, while well meaning and often given, “Let me know if I can help” is really no help at all.

We continue to learn the important value of being aware of and interested in the lives of those around us, learning not only the importance of giving help but also the overwhelming joy that comes from helping others.

I remember when I was watching this talk on TV I rewound these last two paragraphs and said "YES" with a little fist pump. I can't tell you how many times when we were in the NICU I heard people say, "Let me know if there is anything I can do for you." Of course I'm not going to. So I loved how he applied it to drowning. Don't ask, just do. I can't tell you how grateful I was for the people who did step up and just DID for us. I remember coming home from a long day at the NICU and saw my bathroom was sparkling white. I asked Chase if he had done it to which he replied "no". Turns out my landlord came down and had come in and cleaned it herself. I had so many special people that stepped up and helped us and for that I was so grateful. It was always small. A meal here, a hug there, a bottle of hand sanitizer with lotion, green fuzzy socks that I wore ALL the time. Such little things but huge to a person going through so much heartache can make a whole world of difference.

Dieter Uchtdorf: "The Merciful Obtain Mercy":  (http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/the-merciful-obtain-mercy?lang=eng):

"But when it comes to our own prejudices and grievances, we too often justify our anger as righteous and our judgment as reliable and only appropriate. Though we cannot look into another’s heart, we assume that we know a bad motive or even a bad person when we see one. We make exceptions when it comes to our own bitterness because we feel that, in our case, we have all the information we need to hold someone else in contempt."

"This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!

It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”

Brothers and sisters, there is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness, and resentment.

We are not perfect.

The people around us are not perfect. People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. In this mortal life it will always be that way.

Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord’s way.

Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive.

Lay your burden at the Savior’s feet. Let go of judgment. Allow Christ’s Atonement to change and heal your heart. Love one another. Forgive one another.

The merciful will obtain mercy.

I know I have been guilty of this, especially with my heartaches of bringing children onto this earth. It's so easy to take something so small that someone said to you and turn it so big when it wasn't meant out of malice. I believe people are overall good but many are ignorant to others heartaches. We all are. On message boards I see so many bitter infertile women. It's easy to do. To envy others. To take what they say as "offensive". But what good does that do? It doesn't help you feel better and it doesn't help them. It's just pointless. Love this talk! So many women (and men) including myself need to read and apply this!