Tuesday, March 22, 2011
So today hasn't been the best day. I'm so over having these issues with my body. So long story short I don't think I am ovulating again...I have some mid cycle spotting AGAIN. I have a feeling that there is something more going on but its so frustrating because I feel so stupid calling the dr every month. He's a great dr and very understanding but I just feel stupid going in when to the outside there seems to be nothing wrong with me. I got so frustrated that I called the drs assistant and talked to her. She acted like I was an idiot and told me that I was most likely ovulating right now since I have been spotting and its CD 13. I know I have not ovulated yet because my temps haven't risen and the pains I am experiencing are more than ovulation cramping. I tried to tell her my temps weren't rising and you could hear the "she's crazy" in her voice. haha or maybe I am crazy and she doesn't think that. Who flipping knows. I was trying to explain to her that this was happening before and Dr. C told me I probably was most likely not ovulating. So this was the trend before already not a sign of fertility like it can be for some women. She said she would talk to the dr and call me back. After I hung up the phone I immediately started bawling. I just hate having this problem. I just want to ovulate and not spot all the freaking time with no apparent reason. I hate having to call the dr to get more answers and feeling stupid in the process. I hate that some women can get pregnant without even trying, carry their babies to full term and be blissly ignornant about what miracles it is for other people. Ok well I don't hate them but I guess I just hate that I can't have that for myself. Selfish? Probably, but I still feel that way. Every time I hear another pregnancy announcement my stomach turns in pain and I just want to cry. Don't get me wrong I feel incrediably lucky to have my daughter although we went to hell and back to get her...I'm still lucky I have her when others dont even get that. I'm just beginning to think that carrying a baby just isn't in the cards for me and it makes me so sad. I feel like no one close to me can relate either. I just feel so alone.