Friday, January 27, 2012

Be Kinder Than Necessary..For You Never Know The Battle One Is Facing

I've heard this so many times and lately I've realized just how true it is.

-After I had Jayda at 26 weeks I thought that was by far the worst thing that could have happened. Til I met a mom of a 23 weeker that spent a year in the NICU and 6 months in the PICU.

-After Jayda came home from the NICU and had her eating issues,cried all the time, and I was at the brink of checking myself into a psych ward I had a friend who lost her preemie after 6 months (her blog here). Colic seemed like a speck compared to what she had to deal with.

-When I had bitter feelings for not going full term I found a blog of a woman who had a full term baby but who was diagnosed with a rare brain cancer at 3 months old and is still battling it now (Her blog here).

-When I felt bad about my preemie experience and bitter that it happened to me, I realized that at least I HAVE a baby. I always used to joke in the NICU that I made the dough but they cooked the cookies for me. I always felt proud that I made that dough even though it was severely undercooked. I know a ton of blogger moms dealing with infertility who would love to make that dough even once. Or even one mom who did an IVF, got pregnant but lost her baby at 22 weeks and who still is struggling to concieve again. For even as short as the time was I got to feel life inside me.

-I thought Memorial Day 2009 was one of the worst days of my life (the day my water broke) but then on Memorial Day 2010 one of my friends had a stillborn with her second baby.( Her blog here). I was very wrong.

-Infertility is hard, but at least I have a chance every month. There is a couple I know that cannot have kids because in high school he had cancer and the radiation made it impossible to have kids. Adoption is their only way.

I could go on and on, but I won't because its pointless.

Just when you think the dark won't ever end....a light shines from the other side.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can't compare trials. Your reality of a trial could be trivial to another person but to you it's one of the hardest things you've had to go through. For a long time I felt like no one understood how hard it was to have a preemie but going through infertility has taught me a lot of how to be grateful for what I do have. If I could reach through time I wish I could shake Ashley 2009-2011 and say "You ungrateful little girl! Look at what the Lord has blessed you with!"

It could always be worse. Until you're dead in the ground.....and even then you have so much to be grateful for.  I refuse to let this make me bitter any longer.

1 comment:

  1. This is so true. We are trying for our first..Sometimes when I am in the pits..I get into "Why Me" syndrome? But as my husband kindly points least we have the option to try medical intervention, some insurance to pay for it and each other to count on. There are worse things in the world. This was a beautiful essay and I salute you given your trials to recognize your blessing.