Friday, February 4, 2011

I truly feel at peace...

So for the last six months or so I have had issues with my periods being normal. For the last 4 or so months we have been "trying" to get pregnant although it's kinda impossible for me to be pregnant when I am just not ovulating. One thing I have noticed though is that when you are trying to get pregnant it seems like everyone becomes pregnant. It's kinda of funny actually. I remember when I was trying to get pregnant with Jayda (it only took 3 months) and any time I heard that someone was pregnant I would literally feel sick to my stomach. Now I think boo who. So many other women with fertility issues would love for it to only take 3 months! I just wanted a baby SO bad! But this time I actually am not jealous of other pregnant people. I truely feel at peace with everything. If anything I am just frustrated at not being "regular". I got done taking my provera on Tuesday and I haven't seen anything yet. Who knows what is going on but maybe God is just making me feel calm about the situation. I guess I have finally just put it into his hands. I think it helps that I have Jayda too because she keeps me B-U-S-Y. Plus school helps with that too. I absolutely LOVE my classes this semester.

This week has been SO emotional for me. One of our preemie moms lost her 17 month old out of no where. Her baby was due about a week after Jayda was but was born at 33 weeks. Everytime I get frustrated when Jayda is being needy or clingy Lauren just pops up into my head and then I just feel guilty. One of her facebook status's really hit me. It said "missing the noise and the mess". Everytime I get frustrated at Jayda for 'climbing on this" or "getting into that" I think of her and what she must be going through now, her only child taken so early and abruptly. It really has affected me this week. I guess it has just put everything into perspective for me. I just love my little family and am so grateful for them.

1 comment:

  1. aweee. ashley, this seriously brought tears to my eyes. i think mothers with kids take there little ones for granted sometimes. i know i sure take gunner for granted. but i would lost with out him. if anything ever happened to him i don't know if i could handle it. i admire you for being so strong and a wonderful mom.