Definatly not pregnant. I just feel so sad, like this is never going to happen for me or if it does it will take a lot to get there. After having a miscarriage, a micropreemie, and now infertility I'm just beginning to think my body isn't cut out for making babies. I know theres a purpose to all of this and that this will make me stronger in the end, but dang...not gonna lie this sucks the big one.
Living it Utah doesn't make things better either. Everywhere I turn there are people pregnant. In fact there are several people that have had 2 kids since I've had Jayda. I know poor me right? Geesh I must sound like a broken record. Oh here we go again....Ashley's little sob stories. I feel like all I do is complain here but honestly this place is my outlet for bad days like these. So I guess as long as I'm going through this I'm gonna sob. Sorry.
Having children is such a personal thing for a woman and when that doesn't work out it just crashes your world. It just makes you question your entire future and what will be in it. I love Jayda with all of my heart but it absolutely breaks mine when I see her holding other babies and loving on them. It absolutely tears my soul out to think that she'll never have a sibling or that she'll be so old before she gets one.
I know there are others out there that have had it way worse and for that I feel a little guilty. But after all I've been through with my uterus I just have hit my breaking point. You win uterus. I'm 0 for 3.
All I know is that I WILL have more kids and that someday this will all make sense.That it worked out truely how it was supposed to. I know that Jayda will be a big sister and that I will feel life in my stomach again. But right now its like there is a cloud hanging over that image and I can't see it very well. I imagine that's how God intended life to be. Something that doesn't always make sense but as you continue your life path the image gets clearer and clearer. Or at least I hope it's like that. Gosh I hope so.